What I’ve Learned from Life These Last 176 Days

Life teaches.

In fact, life continues to teach the same lesson until you FINALLY get it. This looks like life sucks sometimes. The point, though, is to LEARN.

Learn in a way that tells LIFE you understand.

Learning requires more than head knowledge, it also requires action.

Things I’ve learned in the last 176 days.

1. Trust your gut. REALLY. Trust it.
2. Quit making excuses. Not for yourself, and definitely NOT for someone else.
3. Believe them. If a person’s actions are different from their words believe the actions. Actions don’t lie. ¹²
4. Boundaries include:
   • my time
   • my sleep
   • my body
   • my work
   • my phone
   • my friends
   • my family
   • my car
   • my house
   • my washer and dryer
   • RESPECT
5. Speak up for yourself. It’s difficult; but it will become easier.
6. ‘Because.’ is a legitimate answer. If you ask someone why they don’t like chocolate, you don’t expect them to explain what they don’t like about it.
   • ‘Because.’ is a sufficient answer to WHATEVER question. It is NO ONE’s business why you do something.³
7. ‘No.’ is a complete sentence. You do NOT have to answer the question, ‘why?’. Seriously. Try it. My kids were so lost when mom learned how to say no.⁴
   • There were many times when I knew that I didn’t want to do something or didn’t like something and I truly did not know why that was the case. The repeated questioning of why, why, why only made things worse for me. You cannot think and understand yourself without time alone.
     • I learned with my children, if I don’t have a true reason for no, or if I cannot think for myself that my no was a good thing, that I would occasionally reverse my ‘decision’.
     • However, with my uneven partnership, my no became ‘NO.’ out of defiance for the blatant disrespect I was receiving. As I realized my why, which I couldn’t until I had time to myself, I realized my absolute need to move forward with my life without them. (An example of trusting my gut and figuring it out later.)
8. Friends might seem like they disappear sometimes, but when you reach out, they are totally there.
9. Making new friends is important too.
10. Honesty is actually a good policy.
11. Trust. Yes AND. Trust and verify.
    • But realize, if you feel the ‘need’ to verify, then it’s time to recognize what your gut is trying to tell you. (See #1.)
12. Most people are good. The bad ones make a lot of noise, but the good still outnumber the bad.
13. Look for the good, you will find it.
    • Remember, though, not to lie to yourself.
14. There is NO excuse for mistreatment, disrespect, nor dishonor. NONE.
15. Trust your friends, especially the ones who knew you ‘before….’.
16. No. You do NOT need to change your priorities. Your priorities are yours, only change them carefully and with contemplation.
    • If you are still raising kids, that is it. Right there. The kids. Anyone who tries to step in and push them out is not the right one for you.
17. No. You don’t need permission. Nor a reason.
    • to hang with friends
    • to see family
    • to take a day to yourself
    • to go camping
    • to play
    • to read
    • to do something else
    • to walk away
    • You do NOT need permission to be yourself. Nope. You are worthy.
18. Red flags⁵ exist. And yes you can make the same mistake more than once. That’s called life lessons. Red flags include:
    • putting you down or disparaging you
    • scaring you (no matter how)
    • controlling
    • taking your money or refusing to help pay
    • telling you you’re a bad parent
    • preventing: work, school, sleep, food, time alone
    • blaming/never taking ownership of their actions
    • pretending something never happened
    • destroying property
    • intimidating
    • shoving/slapping/choking/hitting etc… (even ‘little’ stuff is wrong, it all starts little”
    • pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do
    • CALL 1-800-799-SAFE for help in the USA.

I’ll stop here for a minute. Seriously, if you are in danger or are concerned for your health/safety there is help available. You are worth treating well. I promise. You ARE WORTHY.

Unfortunately, I’m can be slow learner, especially when it comes to self-respect. I’ve made more than one mistake and am well aware of the emotional chaos that happens. Thankfully, this lesson is learned. As I am continually climbing out of the illogical chaotic world of red flags, I spot them so much faster now! And, I trust my gut. My gut has not lead me wrong yet. I sometimes don’t like what it says to me, but it has NEVER been wrong.

Everyone comes into your life for a reason. Sometimes those reasons are to show you things you have been avoiding. Things like learn what boundaries are, how to have them, and what to do with them. Things like self-respect and love are appropriate things for everyone, even you and I. Things like treat yourself well, take better care of yourself, eat your dinner, get up in the morning…

What is life trying to teach you today? Keep asking and keep learning. You are worth it.

Thank you for reading,

Dr. Wendi

1. Whttps://www.cia.gov/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP90-00965R000201740005-6.pdf ↩︎
2. https://www.corrections1.com/corrections-training/articles/tips-from-the-fbi-8-ways-to-spot-a-liar-QRMO7BeBKhK6ib7u/ ↩︎
3. There are actually times when you may want or need to provide reasoning for something; that’s okay. Just do it because it is right; not to satisfy the curiosity of a spoiled mind (child or not). ↩︎
4. No also can be explained, but again, only if it is the RIGHT thing to do, not as a means to be disrespected by another. If you give an answer to why, let your answer stand. ↩︎
5. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/know-the-red-flags-of-abuse/ ↩︎