I was sitting on the toilet reading on my phone. It was early morning. The birds were chirping loudly outside as dawn arrived. Really, not an unusual thing; to sit and read, while shitting. People have read while sitting on the pot since reading and toilets have existed.
Like I was saying, I was reading. The phone provides infinite choices, but today I was reading about someone I know. I found myself smiling, happy for their adventures. I was happy for them but then I realized my own stupidity: being scornful of myself.
What could I possibly have to offer someone who has had such a life already? What more do I provide that would lead them to choosing me?
My history lies in different places. My life feels as if its only just starting. While I have done things: traveled, hiked, sailed, kept bees, raised children, seen volcanoes, played with monkeys and chickens, learned other languages, et cetera. I have done nothing of the such lately.
My most important job is nearly complete; my children are mostly adults now. I have loved being a mother, parent, friend and advocate with them. They have been a part of who has made me today. I really could talk days about the amazingness of motherhood!
Now, though, what can I bring to the table? Anything? What do I have that another may enjoy my presence?
Maybe it’s my child-like wonder of the universe?
Or my love of humanity and nature?
Maybe it’s my ability to find good in the ashes, breathe life into fire, burn love back into people’s hearts?
Is it my apparent innocence; built truly from the heartaches and challenges I have faced in life? My quiet strength? I am one of the least innocent beings on this planet.
Maybe it’s my forgiveness. My willingness to give others the benefit of the doubt, my seeing of a human with needs? I will not judge you for your past for I also have one.
I have not chronicled my life. I cannot provide you a list of dates, pictures, and events. The adventures exist as stories bound to lost photographs instead. The pictures I have must be drawn with my words.
The truth is, I am worth knowing but you must know me well to know my adventures. My life is written in story form. You’ll have to learn to read and to read me to truly know me. My story is not complete.
So, how do I compare? I am not the same person as you; I never shall be. You wouldn’t want me that way anyhow. I am, however, a unique individual with an amazing and sometimes terrifying past. I am passionate as I live life always making the best of any situation. I have flaws, many of them. I make mistakes, often. I am human.
I am authentic. Life sometimes frightens me, sometimes hurts. I will, though, let myself be the raft in the stormy seas and let life direct my path; giving up trying to control everything around me. I am no longer drowning for I’ve finally learned to swim.
Thank you for reading,
Dr Wendi
The Be Healthy Advantage 