Why bother writing?

Why would you want to write these days? There’s plenty of AI to do the writing for you. And even then, why not just do an audio or video instead?

Writing helps organize thoughts.

My best friend asked me the other day why I journal. I had to think about it.

Why do I journal?

Turns out a few years back, when I was going through some rough stuff, my therapist suggested I start writing again. (I had said that I used to.) As I began to take his advice, I discovered that writing not only improves my mood by getting the ugly out of my head; but it also helps me to think more clearly and see things better for what they are.

It’s really hard to lie to yourself when you write it down.

It’s a process. The thoughts arise and then begin to show themselves on the paper (or screen, I usually type) then when my eyes see the writing I begin to recognize patterns better. I start to see themes and start better understanding the source of different problems; most frequently the source is myself.

As an aside, I take full responsibility for my life and my patterns.

When my therapist had me write, I started with blaming. I was either blaming everyone besides myself or blaming myself too much. You are never isolated completely in life. You surround yourself with people, TV programs, books, social media, towns, atmosphere, even the way you keep your house… all of these things affect how you feel and how you act.

One change I made was no longer allowing negativity into my head without permission. Negative news sells best, it’s survival. However, most negative information is absolutely blown out of proportion and has little to no effect on my life. (If something extremely important were to happen, I wouldn’t be able to avoid it anyway.)

When I began to see trends in how my actions and my environment were so intimately related I was better able to grasp HOW I should act to make things better.

Most recently, the trends were super obvious. I didn’t like how I was being. I didn’t like that I was no longer gardening, no longer hanging with friends, no longer in love with the town I currently live. I had quit sailing, barely kayaked, and no longer had my bees. I was about to make a home run for depression.

This was odd. I absolutely loved all of those. And still do! So why wasn’t I acting like it or doing what I loved?

When you see yourself like this, it’s easier to notice a need for a change. Unfortunately, for myself and my partner, the most obvious issue was that our partnership was broken. I had no boundaries and they didn’t know how to respect me the way I needed. Nothing falls apart quickly, though.

Over several months I began to make boundaries and tried to incorporate them as best as I knew how. It wasn’t easy. In fact, I definitely could have done a lot of things differently! But how does a person learn, anyway? By messing up and doing better next time.

I was inconsistent in what I wanted. Sometimes, I had NO IDEA what I wanted. I was sometimes more belligerent than kind. And I most definitely acted more ‘selfish’. (Mind, ‘selfishness’ is also taking care of yourself.)

After way too long, I knew there was no ‘fix’. It had to end. I cried off and on for days. I did what was best for me. And whether they agreed or not, was also better for them. (Why be with the wrong person?)

So why journal?

Journaling clears the mind, shows you (visually) what you are doing, and helps you make more appropriate, logic based, decisions. Life is emotional, writing helps direct emotions where they need to go.

Emotions are your body telling you something (not someone else).

If you can’t let your emotions talk to you, try writing them; you may be surprised at the outcome.

Thanks for reading,

Dr. Wendi

What I’ve Learned from Life These Last 176 Days

Life teaches.

In fact, life continues to teach the same lesson until you FINALLY get it. This looks like life sucks sometimes. The point, though, is to LEARN.

Learn in a way that tells LIFE you understand.

Learning requires more than head knowledge, it also requires action.

Things I’ve learned in the last 176 days.

  1. Trust your gut. REALLY. Trust it.
  2. Quit making excuses. Not for yourself, and definitely NOT for someone else.
  3. Believe them. If a person’s actions are different from their words believe the actions. Actions don’t lie. 12
  4. Boundaries include:
    • my time
    • my sleep
    • my body
    • my work
    • my phone
    • my friends
    • my family
    • my car
    • my house
    • my washer and dryer
    • RESPECT
  5. Speak up for yourself. It’s difficult; but it will become easier.
  6. ‘Because.’ is a legitimate answer. If you ask someone why they don’t like chocolate, you don’t expect them to explain what they don’t like about it.
    • ‘Because.’ is a sufficient answer to WHATEVER question. It is NO ONE’s business why you do something.3
  7. ‘No.’ is a complete sentence. You do NOT have to answer the question, ‘why?’. Seriously. Try it. My kids were so lost when mom learned how to say no.4
    • There were many times when I knew that I didn’t want to do something or didn’t like something and I truly did not know why that was the case. The repeated questioning of why, why, why only made things worse for me. You cannot think and understand yourself without time alone.
      • I learned with my children, if I don’t have a true reason for no, or if I cannot think for myself that my no was a good thing, that I would occasionally reverse my ‘decision’.
      • However, with my uneven partnership, my no became ‘NO.’ out of defiance for the blatant disrespect I was receiving. As I realized my why, which I couldn’t until I had time to myself, I realized my absolute need to move forward with my life without them. (An example of trusting my gut and figuring it out later.)
  8. Friends might seem like they disappear sometimes, but when you reach out, they are totally there.
  9. Making new friends is important too.
  10. Honesty is actually a good policy.
  11. Trust. Yes AND. Trust and verify.
    • But realize, if you feel the ‘need’ to verify, then it’s time to recognize what your gut is trying to tell you. (See #1.)
  12. Most people are good. The bad ones make a lot of noise, but the good still outnumber the bad.
  13. Look for the good, you will find it.
    • Remember, though, not to lie to yourself.
  14. There is NO excuse for mistreatment, disrespect, nor dishonor. NONE.
  15. Trust your friends, especially the ones who knew you ‘before….’.
  16. No. You do NOT need to change your priorities. Your priorities are yours, only change them carefully and with contemplation.
    • If you are still raising kids, that is it. Right there. The kids. Anyone who tries to step in and push them out is not the right one for you.
  17. No. You don’t need permission. Nor a reason.
    • to hang with friends
    • to see family
    • to take a day to yourself
    • to go camping
    • to play
    • to read
    • to do something else
    • to walk away
    • You do NOT need permission to be yourself. Nope. You are worthy.
  18. Red flags5 exist. And yes you can make the same mistake more than once. That’s called life lessons. Red flags include:
    • putting you down or disparaging you
    • scaring you (no matter how)
    • controlling
    • taking your money or refusing to help pay
    • telling you you’re a bad parent
    • preventing: work, school, sleep, food, time alone
    • blaming/never taking ownership of their actions
    • pretending something never happened
    • destroying property
    • intimidating
    • shoving/slapping/choking/hitting etc… (even ‘little’ stuff is wrong, it all starts little”
    • pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do
    • CALL 1-800-799-SAFE for help in the USA.

I’ll stop here for a minute. Seriously, if you are in danger or are concerned for your health/safety there is help available. You are worth treating well. I promise. You ARE WORTHY.

Unfortunately, I’m can be slow learner, especially when it comes to self-respect. I’ve made more than one mistake and am well aware of the emotional chaos that happens. Thankfully, this lesson is learned. As I am continually climbing out of the illogical chaotic world of red flags, I spot them so much faster now! And, I trust my gut. My gut has not lead me wrong yet. I sometimes don’t like what it says to me, but it has NEVER been wrong.

Everyone comes into your life for a reason. Sometimes those reasons are to show you things you have been avoiding. Things like learn what boundaries are, how to have them, and what to do with them. Things like self-respect and love are appropriate things for everyone, even you and I. Things like treat yourself well, take better care of yourself, eat your dinner, get up in the morning…

What is life trying to teach you today? Keep asking and keep learning. You are worth it.

Thank you for reading,

Dr. Wendi

  1. Whttps://www.cia.gov/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP90-00965R000201740005-6.pdf ↩︎
  2. https://www.corrections1.com/corrections-training/articles/tips-from-the-fbi-8-ways-to-spot-a-liar-QRMO7BeBKhK6ib7u/ ↩︎
  3. There are actually times when you may want or need to provide reasoning for something; that’s okay. Just do it because it is right; not to satisfy the curiosity of a spoiled mind (child or not). ↩︎
  4. No also can be explained, but again, only if it is the RIGHT thing to do, not as a means to be disrespected by another. If you give an answer to why, let your answer stand. ↩︎
  5. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/know-the-red-flags-of-abuse/ ↩︎

Looking for My Tribe

Maybe I’m weird or maybe I just haven’t found my tribe. Who knows? I’m used to it though.

As a youngster I was flung around the world. I learned to read and write about the same time I was chatting Indonesian with the local kids. All of us running around nearly naked.

My little chubby cheeks were pinched hard enough to make me cry because the locals wanted to see how red they could be; little white girl in an island country.

I’d climb the school fence during lunch, go home and change clothes, just to return back to school more comfortable without missing a beat. That was second grade.

I learned to pee on the ground, make a fire, and play with a knife. I learned to raise rabbits, guinea pigs, and gerbils. And I learned that baby gerbils didn’t belong in my pocket at school.

I learned to pick up dog shit, keep the water bowls full, and to treat an animal right.

I grew up a ‘wild child’; always outdoors, drinking out of the hose, coming home muddy with a dirt ring around my neck and tiny stones in my feet. I never wore shoes and brushing my hair was a nightmare.

I could carry my body weight on the top of my head, easier than in my arms. I could leverage my legs to push furniture around the room, climb any counter, and stand on most chairs.

I wasn’t the one who splashed in the puddles. Instead, I’d create a boat out of a leaf, put an acorn or a stick in it as a person, and set it to ‘sail’ down the ‘streams’ along the side of the road.

I’d sit for hours on the sidewalk and watch the ants at their work, occasionally putting something in their way to see what they’d do.

A patch of moss was a fine lawn that I built a beautiful countryside castle upon out of small sticks, pebbles and grass.

The forest was the true jungle. ALL trees were worth climbing, many above the rooftops around.

Give me a problem that has to be solved, I’ll find a way. I’ve helped rebuild my car engine, fixed my own furnace, serviced my own plumbing. If I don’t know it yet, I can and will learn it, especially if it’s necessary.

I can do all the things a house needs:

  • cook
  • clean
  • lights
  • ceiling fans
  • toilets
  • yard
  • stairs
  • paint
  • doorstops
  • sew

And tons more.

I’m a person of many interests:

  • I love the sciences – biology, chemistry, genetics, pharmacology, gardening, cooking, fermentation…
  • Enjoy logic puzzles, scrabble, Banana Grams, Boggle and more.
  • I love learning new things. I’ll follow a thought until I know a bunch about it. When I am wrong about something, I immediately research until my eyes don’t open and I know, KNOW, how I was wrong so I can do better in the future.

Some of my latest interests include – urban gardening, edible landscapes, investing stocks and options, business building, social media methods, blogging, cats, herbs and tonics, and fermentation (Ginger Bug, Kombucha, Sourdough, Kimchi, and Fire Cider).

Then in my ‘free’ time, I enjoy visiting with friends, family, kayaking, and just chatting with folks.

Sometimes I remember to eat.

My brain thirsts for more regularly; so I feed it.

Are you part of my tribe?

Thanks for reading,

Dr. Wendi

Massage

Massage is a powerful resource many, perhaps most, people do not take advantage of. Insurance usually doesn’t cover it, and it can seem pricey. However, many cultures consider massage a priority for good health.

Over the last several years I’ve loved getting a massage. I would get one as a way to treat myself or as a gift. I didn’t make it a regular thing and always wished I could.

Other than ‘feeling good’, massage may help reduce pain, increase circulation, reduce anxiety, …1

Yesterday, I went to get a massage. I have begun getting one regularly. At first I would go because I had a sore shoulder or my back hurt. 23 Then I would go because I wanted to destress.

Things I’ve learned over the last several months of receiving a massage regularly:

  • My massage therapist can now immediately work on the tight spots, without having to ‘figure me out’.
  • My mental health is better.
  • My over-all self care is better.
  • I feel more beautiful.
  • I feel more relaxed.

Massage requires a person to allow another person to touch them. It requires allowing yourself to be vulnerable. (What’s more vulnerable than voluntarily stripping, laying down on a warm bed with a sheet over you, and allowing a ‘stranger’ to rub your body down from top to bottom?)

There are dozens of types of massages. From simple isolated locations and chair massages to full body and deep-tissue massages. Massage therapists know many types but some specialize in different areas. There are medical massages (great for cancer patients), and pregnancy massages (to help relieve the stresses of a body taken over by an alien).

I prefer ‘deep-tissue’, now that I’ve figured out what I like. Apparently, the little bit of pain I endure helps my muscles to relax and behave better.

Psychologically, I love being touched and feeling alive. Massage helps.4

I am constantly reminding others to take care of themselves. You are important.

  • Put yourself on the list, near the top.
  • Do things for you, not just those you love.
  • Love yourself, you are worthy.

If you want to be the better

  • mom
  • dad
  • parent
  • worker
  • lover
  • employee
  • business owner
  • person

Taking care of yourself will put you way ahead of the game of life. Without putting yourself on the list you will end up needing someone else to take care of YOU. Your ‘selflessness’ is truly a form of selfishness.

But when you make taking care of yourself a priority, THEN you can truly help others.

Be the bigger person, the better person, present yourself to others as a whole and complete human who is now able to love others AS they love THEMSELVES. Learn to put yourself on the list.

YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Thank you for reading,

Dr. Wendi

Picture curtesy of: https://collection.sciencemuseumgroup.org.uk/objects/co107310/plaster-model-demonstrating-massage-called-suki-practised-in-vaitupu-statues

  1. https://www.massagetoday.com/ ↩︎
  2. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2021/10/massage-helps-injured-muscles-heal-faster-and-stronger/ ↩︎
  3. https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/providers/digest/massage-therapy-for-health-science ↩︎
  4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everyone-top/202108/the-vital-importance-human-touch ↩︎

Who Owns Me?

I am a slave. I don’t own my life. Same with you.

slave

noun

  1. a person who is the property of and wholly subject to another and forced to provide unpaid labor.
  2. a person entirely under the domination of some influence or person
dictionary.com

Read the definition. Do you find yourself providing labor for free? Do you find yourself influenced by others? Your job? Your partner or spouse? Your parents? Your children?

None of us are completely free. Most of us don’t realize it.

“But my job pays me!”

  • only as much as necessary to prevent you from leaving and
  • much less than they pay themselves

“My kids don’t own me.”

  • Exactly what would happen if you quit providing for their basic needs? Aside from their health and happiness deteriorating, you would also find yourself in the courts or jail for mistreatment.
  • Do you wake up in the middle of the night to check on your baby?
  • Do you drop everything and run to your hurt child?
  • Do you follow your teens on google maps to make sure they arrive at their destination safely?
  • Do you cry inside when they cry?

They own you, and that’s okay.

“But I don’t live with my parents anymore.” or “My parents are dead.”

  • Are you kind and slow to anger because your dad flew off the handle regularly?
  • Are you married to a woman who cooks and cleans and takes care of you as well as your mother did?
  • Are you comparing your partner or spouse to how your parents did things?
  • Are you a doctor, lawyer, scientist, pharmacist, teacher… because that’s what your parents insisted upon?

We are all owned by our past and our surroundings. The question is how DO we OWN our life better?

Think.

I’m serious. Sit down or go for a walk. Turn off ALL distractions. No TV, no one around, no phone, nothing. Learn how it feels to use your brain again. Learn how to follow a thought to its origination. Use all those glorious neurons and make them come alive. Thinking isn’t as easy as it sounds. It requires focus, honesty, removal of biases.

Thinking is HARD.

I’m not talking about meditation. Meditation is learning to just be with yourself, although it can involve thoughts. I’m referring to forcing yourself to know yourself, your history, your wants, your likes.

A few months ago I was tired and grouchy. I felt as if I had no time to see any of my friends, let alone to be the mother I wanted to be. I was watching a lot of TV, staying up super late, and eating a lot of crappy food. Definitely not who I used to be just prior, not who I wanted to be at all, and definitely NOT who I wanted to continue to be.

I was deferring my wants, and unique choices to another person. I gave that person too much control of me. I failed to have and to make boundaries.

I woke up from an abnormally great night’s sleep. My brain activated after being well rested after so long. I didn’t just wake up that morning, I woke up. I saw. I realized the direction I was going and it was the WRONG path.

Waking up from a bad dream takes your breath away. It’s horrible. And wonderful. Horrible to see the negative yet wonderful for the renewed sense of possibilities.

Thinking, allowing your brain to follow the paths that must be followed, is challenging. But worth it.

Act.

Act how? Do the very thing you know you need to do.

Knowing what to do can be difficult or feel too big. Start small. Have the BIG goal in mind, but work on it however seems best. But doing is the only way to move forward.

There are multiple ways to move forward. Do one or do them all.

  1. Write down your thoughts. This helps you to organize the chatter in your brain and can greatly improve how you choose to move forward.
  2. Do something lovely for yourself. When was the last time you did something JUST FOR YOU? You deserve good things.
  3. Enlist friends. I found that my friends saw it all and were just waiting for me to come back into myself again. When I reached out, they welcomed me with arms open. When I bared my soul to them, they held me close and then held me accountable.
  4. Professional help. Trust me, sometimes this is absolutely necessary. You deserve to be happy, healthy, and free.

Revise

Revise your plan and your life as you think and discover. This could be as simple as being more open-minded toward others. Or as complicated as rebuilding your lifestyle from scratch.

Imagine how you would be different if you had never smoked, never drank alcohol, never married, never had children… Imagine what your life would be like if what you regretted hadn’t happened.

For myself, I have often imagined how would I be different if I had never been raped as a teen and the horrible things that went along with that. It’s easy to think:

  • ‘that’s horrible!’
  • ‘how awful!’
  • ‘no one should ever have to go through that.’

Yes. but, if I HADN’T I would have not dated the types of men I dated, would never have married the one I had, and would have never have the AMAZING children I have now. Yes, the men weren’t the best for me and their dad and I are no longer together; BUT, I to have my life without my children is unthinkable!

One of the things I love best about who I am becoming is the impact of my kids.

My children taught me the power of love, true love for another. From that I finally began to learn to love myself, all of me.

Revising your beliefs, your thoughts about your history, you realize your true wants, desires, and needs. You also may discover that some beliefs need changing.

THIS IS A LONG PROCESS.

Continually listening to your thoughts, opening your mind to learn more, and feeding the humanity and needs of yourself will make you a better person. Once our own needs are met, that’s when we are able to help others the best.

We are meant to make the world a better place, to love one another AND ourselves.

Without these, there is nothing.

Thank you for reading,

Dr. Wendi

The Boat

The best day of a boat owner’s life is the day they buy their boat; and the next best day is the day they sell it.

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False.

We’ve probably all heard the quote above, or something very close. Could it possibly be true? Let’s discuss this.

Has anyone said ‘the best day of a car owner’s life is the day they buy their car and the second best is the day they sell it’?

Or ‘the best day of a home owner’s life is the day they buy their home or the day they sell it’?

No. That would be ridiculous. So, why do boats get the negativity?

Let me propose a few ideas as to why some people say this.

  1. They’re jealous.
  2. They tried and failed to own a boat.
  3. They can’t drive/sail a boat.
  4. They had a boat and lost lots of money.
  5. They never played.
  6. They never used it.
  7. They never made being on the boat a priority.

I had a boat. She was perfect for me at the time. She provided me the opportunity and freedom I needed. I kept her on the waterfront and would sleep on her several days a week, take her out on the water a few times a month, and just really enjoy my time with her.

How did it benefit me?

  1. She provided possibilities, uncountable.
  2. She provided escape.
  3. She provided solace.
  4. She provided peace.
  5. She provided challenge and patience.
  6. She taught me that I am strong.
  7. She taught me to listen to the world around me.
  8. She taught me beauty in the rain, the heat, the sleet, the snow, the waves, and the hurricanes.
  9. She reminded me of the preciousness of life.

I could go on. My boat was set up for solo sailing and rigged for a woman to captain. Which I did.

So why do I say ‘I used to have a boat’?

She also taught me humility. She taught me what all successful boaters know. You never know everything. She taught me to trust my instinct, my gut. She taught me to ask for help. She taught me the value of maintenance, of using her frequently, of never abandoning her.

You wouldn’t expect your car or house to survive without upkeep, would you? Why should a boat not require the same? It does.

The day my boat and I parted ways was one where I had decided and planned to take her out after not taking her out for 6 months. I did the preparations I needed to do, she was prepared. However, her engine was not strong (she was unique in having an electric motor.)

I took her out with another human, one I trusted and learned a completely different lesson from about choosing who to trust. (Another blog, another day.) This human stated they knew how to sail, they boasted of their ability. (Found out this was from 30 years ago!) Regardless, I was the captain of my boat and I should have known better. (Remember, she taught me humility.)

We took her out of the dock without any issue. We set to motor out past the train track before deciding to set sail. Not much further I decided to turn around (kudos to me!). I felt as if the engine wasn’t holding the power it should. We headed back to the dock.

The weather around here is quite interesting. We sometimes have a strong current and a strong wind. The Pamlico River runs toward the sound and then to the ocean. But if the winds are just right, the water just comes back in. That was how it was that day.

The wind was in our favor to head back to the dock. The river as well. Imagine, two forces. One – the wind blowing us the direction we wanted to go. Two – the river escorting us the right way. Not so bad until you realize you cannot slow down.

The bridge I so often video showing the beautiful sunsets here, was right in front of us. I had already radioed for help from the docks. I had a couple of boaters already on standby on the docks hoping to help me get her in. She just kept going. We passed the docks and it was turn around, the bridge, or the pilings. And for some reason, I couldn’t get her to turn around or slow enough.

It wasn’t fast, more of a slow dread. Still, there was enough power in the forward momentum to keep us moving at a steady clip. Another boater had come alongside realizing we were danger. With their help we managed to get close to the pilings instead of the bridge itself. I was ready with the rope, he was on the piling, and we were able to ‘catch’ the boat. But she was going too fast and hit hard (popping the anchor right out – another lesson).

We tied her in and I hear him yell, “let down the jib the rest of the way!”

The jib? I thought my partner that day had put it down. It was mostly down, but the wind doesn’t need much. That was why we were going so much faster than expected! It was full of air. (Another lesson.)

The boat did NOT sink. And she did not hit the bridge (which would have been catastrophic). Insurance, however, decided to total her. I received from insurance a payment equal to the amount I had purchased my vessel. They took her and stripped her and sold her for parts.

It still hurts.

Lessons learned:

  1. Use the anchor.
  2. Use your eyes, and ‘own’ your vessel, NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY.
  3. Trust your instinct.
  4. Really. TRUST YOUR INSTINCT.
  5. NEVER quit dreaming.

Yes, I will get another boat. I’m not sure when nor how, but I will. And I will learn and learn and learn more. I was the owner of my ship, but I failed to truly OWN her. I let others influence me whether they had the knowledge or not. This was a hard and powerful lesson.

Thank you for reading,

Dr. Wendi

Being me.

Last night I had no plans, no date, no obligations but I wanted to be out.

Yesterday, while walking around town, I said hello to many of the small business owners. I just say hi or stick around and have a little conversation. This is something I love to do.

As a previous small business owner myself, I found the most fun occurred when hanging with like-minded people. I wanted to learn, watch, and simply make friends. It worked. My persistence, my curiosity and my willingness to learn their names helped me to slowly and surely develop long lasting relationships.

I needed to surround myself with people who love to live and who are willing to take chances. I made myself known, stepped out of my comfort zone, and took a chance. This habit has changed my entire world.

Previously, I bought a boat, parked by the waterfront downtown, and lived there three to four days a week. Over that time I also found myself surrounded by a completely different, yet wonderful community. Boaters are a breed of their own, same as small business owners. (Although, there are those that do both; in fact many.)

Yesterday, while walking around I also took a stroll along the waterfront.

Joyfully, several of my favorite boaters were doing what they do; helping another boater. After spending a good while chatting with them, I continued on my walk.

It was a beautiful blustery day!

Once home I decided to wash my car. Barefoot, blue jeans rolled up over my ankles, t-shirt, a bucket full of soapy water and a hose. It’s February and almost 70 degrees! I love North Carolina.

Finishing my day, yet still energized, I decided to go out for a glass of wine. I had no plans, no one to meet, no date, no obligations. I went out anyway. I took a chance, decided to be myself, honor who I am and just go.

Setting myself up for fun; believing in myself and that there is no need for another to go somewhere. I left my home and went back downtown. By being open to who I truly am, I had the most amazing time!

A couple of the boaters met up with me, we had a drink, chatted a bunch, updated on old friends, and laughed out loud. I was free to let the sailor in me shine. I let my mouth curse, let the laughter roll, and quit worrying about what others think. There is no prejudice amongst boaters. Freedom again. What a wonderful feeling.

They say the best days of boat owners are the day they buy their boat and the day they sell their boat. I disagree. If that is how you felt, then you missed the entire point of boating. It is the community, the camaraderie, the peace, the sleep, the feel of the wind on your face, the blazing heat, the icy rain, the ability to pull the lines and disappear. Boating is more than just owning a boat. It is a way of life and I miss it.

Days like this make life worth living. Be you, let it all out, and shine like the beautiful person you truly are!

Thank you for reading,

Dr. Wendi

Why Tdap? (the vaccine)

It’s 5:45 in the morning. The sun still isn’t up but I forced myself out of bed anyway. I’m not in a hurry, I just want some time on my own.

It’s only February in North Carolina. Today will be a beautiful day.

I stumble to the kitchen, fill my new clay mug with black coffee and warm it. I stop the microwave before it has a chance to beep preferring the quiet. There are many sounds that bother me.

Sipping on my coffee, I sit on the floor next to the furnace grill where the heat comes out. It is still cold outside this morning. Sitting in front of my laptop I stare at a blank screen. What should I write about?

My shoulder is sore from the Tdap vaccine I got yesterday. I happily got this vaccine because it represents getting ready to become a grandmother the first time.

The Tdap is recommended as a booster in adults every 10 years; more frequently if you’ve been injured, especially puncture wounds. It is also now recommended that all adults who haven’t had one recently to get one prior to meeting and being with newly born babies.

Why? Tdap stands for tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis. Tetanus is a disease that causes the body to seize up with muscle spasms that never stop the painful spasm, eventually affecting breathing and leading to death. You end up being frozen in place, unable to move, and unable to breathe. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/tetanus 

Diphtheria is a sore throat that can kill you. It’s more than that, though. The bug likes to grow in our respiratory system leaving swollen glands (the size that makes it difficult to move and you can see across the room), and open sores. The Tdap vaccine prevents this. https://www.cdc.gov/diphtheria/

Pertussis is the bug that causes Whooping Cough, the 100 day cough, and other lovely names. Pertussis can cause a person to break their own ribs from coughing. https://www.cdc.gov/pertussis/about/complications.html

Pertussis is what I am protecting my unborn grand child from. Whooping cough in babies is terrifying. The poor things can barely stop coughing, can hardly breathe, nor eat, and require prompt hospitalization.

We used to think that pertussis didn’t require booster shots, then it started to appear again in adults. My daughter, the one about to have the baby, had it when she was about 15 although she had been vaccinated. As an adult it can be treated with antibiotics. The babies? They cannot handle a lot of the medications that adults can.

So I’ve gotten the vaccine for the safety of my upcoming grandchild.

Judge me. Learn from me. Choose your own way. For me, the vaccine makes sense. The last thing I want is for someone I love to suffer because I was afraid of a jab in the arm.

Thank you for reading,

Dr. Wendi

Writing. What good is it? Why bother?

Tonight, I sit on my floor and type.

Why? Because.

The floor because I prefer it.

My house is small so I enjoy my space differently than some might. For instance, I prefer to sit on the floor by the coffee table to eat my dinner or type.

Sure, I have a table. It’s currently covered from one end to the other with art projects. And when it’s not covered, it folds up into a desk to push against the wall. I love my table! Big when I need it, small when I don’t. And boy, oh boy it’s heavy!

Write? Because life goes by fast. Writing helps the mind to organize, helping me to figure out what I am thinking, remember things I’ve done, and learn new things.

Writing helps me to make decisions, to teach, and even to retain more information.

It’s as if I am bringing order to chaos.

Chaos. Yes. Life is chaos. Or better said, everything in life is heading toward chaos. We bring order. This order is temporary, but it helps.

Order? Yes. Order can bring a sense of peace. Order reduces anxiety, reduces stress, brings a small, although tiny, sense of what is to come.

What is it like to be me? As a mother, daughter, sister, ex-wife, ex-lover, ex-partner, worker, homeschooler, forever-learner, pharmacist, nutritionist, pharmacologist, white, female-by-birth, short, southern, world traveler, lover of boats and water, kayaker, sailor, lover of nature, gardener, ex-beekeeper…

I could go on.

What is it like? There’s never enough time in the day to do everything I love or want or need to do. There will never be enough time to experience everything I want to experience. There will be things I say no to because I say yes and there will be things I say yes to that will force a no later.

To think that I am only one of these things at a time, or that anyone ever is just one thing, is a great disservice to the very nature of being human.

To think that I, or anyone else, could possibly only think of one thing at a time is also unrealistic.

What’s the point in pretending anything else? If everyone would stop pretending, this world would change overnight.

What would it be like to actually be who you are?

Thank you for reading,

Dr. Wendi

Who Am I?

Always the same question, never the same answer. Who am I anyway?

I am a mixture of my past, present and future.

I am a mother, daughter, sister, lover, and writer.

Today, as I sit here, I am a professional beginning the next step of my journey. My future calls me forward. I love to write, therefore blogging is my next step.

Professionally, I am an advocate, nutritionist, teacher, and pharmacist. I enjoy most things that bring myself and others health; physical, mental, spiritual, personal… You name it, if it makes your life healthier, I likely enjoy it.

This will be a place to share my thoughts, disappointments, goals, and anything else that strikes my fancy. My goal, always, to improve the lives of others.

May my journey empower you on yours.

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Robert Frost

Joyfully,

Dr. Wendi